K, I don’t exactly have the magazine-perfect body or a flawless skin. My name cannot be found on the list of the church-elite either. I make mistakes every now and then, sometimes I feel insecure and I say the weirdest things ever. Did I mention the fact that I am stubborn and hard-headed, sometimes to my advantage and sometimes to my detriment and disadvantage of those around me. I can be very unfair at times and expect too much from others, I must also admit that I can be quite selfish evry now and then.
I can be very emotional about things and sometimes I lose my temper. I love my own space and doing things by myself in my own way, it’s easier. Being the lastborn at home with an age difference of 7 years between me and my sister who comes before me, I have learnt to be independent from a young age and to this day I am holding on to that independence and as a result of that – unconsciously – I tend to lock out those who are close to me. Point: I don’t do these things on purpose.
What I am trying to say is that I am not perfect, far from it, I have inequities and I fall short of being ideal. I am different from a lot of women, young people, Christians, graduates and from any other category of people that I fall under. I am not a conformist; I don’t plan to be one so I’ll probably never be one. I make my own rules and surrender only to those rules that do not go against my principles, values and morals. See, I am a lot of things even more than I have mentioned but beyond all my shortcomings I am a beautiful, caring, loving, virtuous woman of God. That is what I plan to be and nurture myself to be. My identity lies in Christ and not in the eye of the beholder – no-one can talk me out of that one. You can attach as many name tags to me as you want but just remember that it is only through the lens of your own eyes and it is probably influenced by your own world views and ideals. I try my best to make a positive impact in the lives of my significant others and even those of people whom I don’t know that much. I try to see the good in others and understand and accept them for who they are. I love and I love very deep, maybe too deep. When I let a person in I don’t let them peep through the window, I open the doors wide open and welcome them in and that sometimes put me in a very vulnerable position but sometimes it allows me to have the full experience and that is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. Allowing someone into your heart is taking the risk of them breaking into pieces but hoping that they won’t. Sometimes they do but we can’t let that stop us from loving now can we.
Some things about me I can’t change and some things I can attempt to change or adjust and all I ever expect from anyone is for them to understand that and accept it and if they can’t then I am not quite sure if we can maintain any sort of friendship/relationship with them. That is a very sad reality, I know. I accept criticism, but can it be constructive and actually help me grow instead of crushing me into pieces that are hard to pick up? I try to make up for all my inequities by my more positive and more glamorous qualities and I would appreciate it if people concentrated more on that and less on my weaknesses.
However, I am not saying that they shouldn’t pull me back into the right path when I wander off or remind me when I repeat a bad habit. I just want people to understand that I don’t necessarily sit down and plan to be imperfect or make mistake. I do, however, plan to be a better person and a positive impact and influence in the lives of others. We are different people and we have different views about various things, it is inevitable that we are going to hurt each other but what is important is how we handle that hurt. We need to be sympathetic towards each other and acknowledge the way that others feel. What is trivial in your eyes might be very personal to another person and we have got to take consideration of such things. We shouldn’t be too quick to judge or make assumptions about others; if you really care about someone then you will take the time to get to know them and their sensitivities. I have learnt that there is almost always more to what you see on the surface, there are underlying reasons to why people behave the way that they do and it is only when you understand those reasons that you can really learn to accept them or help them change for the better.
“...if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best” – Marilyn Monroe.
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